Is it love? or is a person suffering with an ‘addiction’ to love. This means that someone may be fixated/obsessed with a person in the same manner that they can be addicted to drugs, food or alcohol. As with all addictions those suffering feel utterly powerless to escape from the grip of the fixation/obsession/addiction and remain in damaging, dysfunctional relationships even though they are well aware that it is harmful to them.

In love addicted relationships the sufferer’s partner will become the centre of his/her world. They can become isolated and protective of the relationship. Resenting their partner’s involvement with work and friends and interests, that might make them less dependent on their love and their relationship. Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness is a huge part of love addiction. In other cases, as in unrequited love - obsessed love addicts may experience attachments through secret fantasies, infatuations and obsessive thoughts.

When ‘addicted to love’ people continue to maintain relationships that are quantified by how much ‘they love’ their partner. Instead of how ‘loved’ that partner makes them feel. In normal, healthy relationships partners share mutual feelings of love and support and desire expansion and growth. They have healthy boundaries that they respect and should they feel mistreated or unloved, have enough self-esteem to decide to leave their partners no matter how much they may love them.

With love addiction people will endure much pain and suffering rather than contemplate ending the relationship as this involves as much panic and withdrawal as it would a drug addict, not being able to have their fix and experiencing going ‘cold turkey.’ Love addicts cling to the idea of being in a relationship. Even short term relationships. They need to feel connected to someone to avoid loneliness, neediness or being single. Being in a relationship signifies being lovable. It is a mistake to assume that ‘love addiction’ is less serious than other addictions. It is extremely painful and dangerous for both the addict and their partners. Many crimes of passion including rapes and murders have been committed resulting from this addiction.

CBT and other Therapies can assist with the recovery of the above anxieties. Please contact me on 01732 453758/07882 369 663 or email enquiries@psychotherapysevenoaks.com for a free half hour introductory consultation.