Abandonment is a loss as just as disruptive and painful as bereavement. Made all the more unbearable, as the significant other is not deceased but has chosen not to be in a relationship with the sufferer. The rejection can lead to a devastating personal trauma often repeating the emotional trauma of being left/loosing a parent in early life.

Being ‘left’ can threaten the very core of our security and self esteem. ‘Rejection’ the withdrawal of ones love can result in a rejection of ourselves. We can turn our rage about being rejected against ourselves. Suppressing the painful feelings involved is damaging to ones self image and future relationships.

We loose not only our loved one; we loose our sense of self in relation to them and all that we invested in the relationship. The loss of identity creates a collapse/crisis within the psyche of the individual. Many people construct patterns of behaviour to deal with the emotional pain, e.g. by abusing food and alcohol or other harmful substances.

Unresolved abandonment can be the cause of our deep-seated insecurities, obsessions, addictions, depressions and unrealized potential.

Healthy self-esteem and self-love needs to be restored by understanding the origins and purpose of the pain. Redirecting the feelings/energy of grief into positive patterns of self-awareness, nurturing and ‘reconnecting’ to the self. Relating to the ‘self’ in positive supportive ways and letting go of the need to hurt/rage against ourselves. Sufferers need to learn to address long forgotten needs that relate to the original ‘abandonment wound.’ So they are able to take responsibility for themselves.

One of the most important steps in learning what love really is – is beginning to love ourselves.

CBT and other Therapies can assist with the recovery of the above anxieties. Please contact me on 01732 453758/07882 369 663 or email enquiries@psychotherapysevenoaks.com for a free half hour introductory consultation.